It’s My Turn Now…

I was standing at the stove at Paul‘s (my son) housewarming, cooking chili. Grandma Cathy was helping me by opening the big cans of kidney beans and crushed tomatoes. I asked her, “Did you notice who is wearing the apron now?” She said, yes. It’s your turn now. I gave her shoulders a squeeze and told her something on the order of how special she is and gave her a kiss on the cheek with tears in my eyes.

When did this happen that my generation replaced her generation? That I am now the Grandma with my children and grandchildren around me and she is the Great-Grandma taking a more back seat role?

When did it happen that I have already raised one generation to start the next generation? I am now the age that Grandma was when we got married and now we are in their season.

I am now the mother-in-law trying to do my thing for my daughters-in-law in a way that pleases them. I am now in that support role that I have so enjoyed from my mother-in-law! She still supports me in raising my children.

The sad part of this space of time is our parents are now “at the front of the line” as Grandma Cathy says. Grandma is the oldest in her family. Her brother died just before their 50th anniversary years ago. Grandpa Fred is the oldest in his family and taking very good and loving care of his wife. I really thought it would be the other way around.

Daddy is aging before my eyes. It’s hard to see my strong Daddy who has always been there for me to get help for daily living from Mommy.

Mommy is the youngest of all and lost her parents, brother, sister and brother-in-law. And we have all lost Sandra. In her family, Mommy is at the “front of the line.”

And I raise the generation that takes their place.

When did this all happen? I just never pictured being in this place! When we prepare for yet one more birth to attend and know that some of these, my grandchildren, will never know or remember their great-grandparents. I remember one of my great-grandparents. I know I have met others.

It’s like the escalator. While someone steps on at one end, someone else is stepping off at the other end. The escalator and time keep moving forward with no regard to those moving forward with them.

This could be depressing, except for as plants grow, produce fruit and seed to grow up more to replace them; so our lives are to grow up, produce children that will carry the Kingdom of God forward to the next generation. Without this purpose, life would be futile.

So, whatever we do, whether we eat or drink, do all to the glory of God.

Soli Deo Gloria

Let none perish without you LORD.

Ezra earned his Sparky Plaque!

This milestone is more about his cooperation than anything else. He really enjoys Awana! He can play the games without someone holding his hand. Beth made it half way through her T&T book. She had a wonderful leader this year who really loves her. This is the first year for Beth to be on her own in Awana. No family members close by, although we were all working somewhere in club, just not her age group. Next year, Ezra moves up to her age group, but he will be with the boys.

It was a good Awana year! The leaders were understanding of the need to keep a close watch on both Beth and Ezra. They still will escape and they have their own methods. Beth will quietly slip off. Ezra will dash out. He likes the chase. They are getting better about sticking close. They don't escape as much as they used to.

Beth and Ezra have new good friends at Awana. They are brother and sister the same ages as Beth and Ezra. One time in Sparks, a little boy was making fun of Ezra and "D" stopped him by telling the boy to leave his friend alone! Way to go "D"! His sister is good with Beth too. Someday, we are going to have a party for the friends that love Beth and Ezra as equals and created in the image of God.

Maybe Beth will cooperate enough to finish her third Sparks book and earn the Sparky Plaque over the summer. It was her cooperation that stalled out for her not to get it last year. At this point, she is the only child we have that has not earned her Sparky Plaque. John and Paul earned theirs 22 years ago. She needs to get with the tradition!

It's been a great year!

Accepting Differences

Acceptance is a funny thing.  When Beth was born, I didn't know what to expect and the books in my local library were old and should have been thrown out.  If I believed what they had to say, I might as well give up and put Beth in an institution.  But as you should know, I found better resources and learned a lot about what Down syndrome means.  I have much yet to learn, but I have made a fair distance down this path when Ezra was born.    

In 2 1/2 years, my expectations had grown way past what the books had to say!  So much  so, that when Ezra was born, all I could see was that he was a boy.  It was 10:00 at  night and it was dark in the car.  ; ]  Yep, he was born on the way to the hospital!   Anyway, when we made it into the light, I looked him over and it wasn't until I saw his feet and how his big toe was separated from his other toes, that I went back up to his eyes and saw that he too has Down syndrome.  I said it out loud.   I think the nurses were relieved that I already knew and no one had to "break it" to me.  Truly, when I discovered that he too has Down syndrome, it was just like discovering the color of his hair or the color of his eyes.  That's all it was to me!  Just a difference and not a burden.  I never felt the need to mourn the loss of the normal dreams for this child.  

What does that mean?  It means that I accept whatever the future holds for him.  As any other of my children, I treat him according to his needs.  If his needs are more or greater or different, then that is how I treat him.  Sure it gets old and tiring  sometimes, but that's okay.  It gives me something to laugh about!  As with my other children, I just push for a little bit more and a little bit more advancement.  I don't go so far as the Einstein group.  I don't think I have anything to prove.  I don't have to have the smartest child with Down syndrome.  I am sad when others don't accept Beth and Ezra.  It's hard when they ask "stupid" questions and when my children are a curiosity, instead of just children.  If my grandchildren pass up Beth and Ezra, that will be a hard moment.  I don't know what Beth and Ezra's limits are, (we all have them) but we will find out together, or not...  I'm just not going to be the one who lowers the bar of expectation.  Sure, I am realistic!  We are taking smaller steps.  

Sometimes when I think about where did those statistics come from, about how far our children can grow and mature?  Not long ago, the life expectation was not very good.  Heart defects were not found or treated as often.  Hypothyroidism was not looked for and treated as well.  (That itself makes a huge difference!  Hypothyroidism is the leading cause of (please excuse the old wording...) Mental retardation.  Reflux is so common with children with Down syndrome.  Reflux can lead to pneumonia, as was Ezra's case.  Our children have better health care than previous generations!  This alone can lead to not only  greater life expectancies, but also greater abilities!  

So, is it possible to accept things as they are and yet also reach to something greater?   I think I can!  I think we all do or we wouldn't be here.  I'm sorry I went long.  It's a big and important subject!  

After reading about the Special Olympics swimming program, I wish we had one for Beth and  Ezra.  I can see the value in having someone who knows how to work with your child!   That's why I would like to do the horse therapy.  I want to see how someone else would unlock Beth's cooperation.  I have done swimming lessons with everyone else, why not Beth and Ezra?

Sorry for the essay!  I hope you are encouraged! 

Beth and Ezra like StarFall.com.  Beth can use the mouse and Ezra is fine just watching what Beth is doing.  They both copy what is being said and/or doing the signs for the words.  StarFall.com has many levels.

How are things going?

That sounds like a simple question, but since "fine" isn't an answer I usually give, and my friends who ask this question really want to know how things are, I have to pause a bit before answering. Today, my friend asked me this question. We haven't had the opportunity to chat much in the past two or three years, my pause was pretty long. She said, "It looks like you are taking inventory!" Well, I was! Start with my husband; what would she want to know about how he is doing and how much do I want to share? He still has his job and that is a good thing. Not much more to say.

I wish I saw more of John and Paul and their families, but it isn't often. The grandsons are sweet and so cute, but not much to report at this time and my friend doesn't know them. James? Things are going well with him and his family. They are looking for a house to buy and occasionally I get to babysit for them. I get to see my granddaughter more often, because they live much closer. Good deal! Then Rose... while she has not be able to get a job and no money for school, she has been indispensable at home helping to lighten the load and enabling me to get some things done I could not do without her help. Joel and Ben, well they keep getting bigger and they are trying to catch up to me in height. It won't be long now. Joel starts high school this year and Ben starts Junior High. My how time flies!

But my friend wasn't very interested in these people, she really wanted to know how Beth and Ezra were doing. She remembers all the medical issues they used to have, so wanted updates on those. Now I am sorry that I didn't tell her of some of the more exciting things, like Beth and Ezra learning to read! Their speech is getting clearer and easier to understand, but it does help to have context. Beth and Ezra got their reading books out. Beth took on her "big sister" role and worked with Ezra with his book, then she went on to read hers. Ezra wanted to read her book, but she told him "no! Beth's" then continued reading her book. She doesn't want any help! She is such a big girl! and a big sister!

Instead, my friend heard about cardiology, hematology, ear tubes and hearing aids. There was so much more to that conversation. She did hear about how smart Ezra is when he enters a room, he has it all scoped out and he knows the exits and how well guarded they are. I'm glad my friend is interested in all the changes we have seen in Beth and Ezra as they grow up. She loves to watch their personalities bloom. How Beth has now decided that she can do things without me at Awana.

It's been an interesting journey. I'm thankful for so many of my friends and family that have walked with us on this journey! I'm thankful that so much of what I have learned, I can pass on to others that need the same encouragement that I have received.

God is good!

Just a short visit...

I remember starting a blog, but then I couldn't remember where I put it! So, I just found it again and now I don't have time to write anything except a short "hello!" Exciting, huh! I'll have to come back and fill you in on some things I have been learning about teaching Beth and Ezra. You will want to see pictures of my grandbabies! My big boys just turned 27 yesterday.

A lot has been happening, but now if I can remember where to come back to for blogging, I can enter a few more words and pictures!

Sorry about that! But I will be back, now I know how to find this next time.

It's time to start my blog.

I have been writing about my family for a long time and now I have a forum. Hopefully others will get as much out of it as I do. For now, I should just finish my day and go to bed, but check back periodically to see what we are up to. My main aim at this time is to prepare for my son's wedding and take care of my children. Not always in that order.